About a dreamer
Kushwant Singh wrote: It is safest to begin with the beginning.To begin with, I was born on 23rd August 1982 in a remote part of Darjeeling. By religion I am a Buddhist, but my mother named me Sudarshan, which is a typical word from Hindu mythology. During my formative years I developed a notion that Jesus Christ was also one of my gods while I was doing plus two from a Christian school (St. Robert’s High School). As a consequence, by the time I completed graduation from St. Joseph’s college I had become irreversibly close to all the three religions. I still recall those moments as vividly as one from yesterday. I would go to Monastery, Church, and Temples with equal devotion.Even though the turn of the events in my life did not introduce me to Islam or Sikh , I had some close muslim and sikh friends with heart of gold. I still solemnly believe that a religion is not a criterion for one’s identity. So, I have a unique choice to define myself- a Buddhist with a Hindu name educated from a Christian school and college.
As 80’s have seen a lot of bloodshed in hilly areas of Darjeeling due to agitation initiated by the people of the hills for a separate state Gorkhaland as they could no longer find themselves holding any kind of parities with the rest of west bengal-neither culturally nor linguistically or historically. None of the male members of the family were safe and my father was no exception. He could never stay at home.That may be the most probable reason why I don’t have any memories with my father when it comes to recalling my childhood days. Despite having decent educational background he was unemployed. He looked after his family by doing some part time jobs. He always regrets for the fact that he could not send me to some English medium nursery school. Up to class four I studied in a local primary school and then joined Griffith high school, which is also in the same village. But I have no regrets for not getting primary education from an English medium school as these schools taught me the meaning of life in a simple way, in a language which I could easily relate things to.I must admit, till class ten my English was horribly bad. I could not distinguish between past and present.But then I had fire in my belly to learn things that were not my cup of tea.
Slowly, with the steady pace of time things improved. Peace again prevailed in Darjeeling hills following a historical agreement between Central, State government and G.N.L.F. My father got a job in postal department in early 90's. Like every father he also wanted me to have higher education. He sent me to town from the village for the same.
I still remember that rainy day when I went to town with my relative uncle, Mr. Uday Lopchan (as my father was posted in a place quite far from Darjeeling, so he couldn't come) .He took me to St. Robert's high school for admission. Having reached the school we learnt that the form submission date had already passed.I felt extremely helpless and hapless.After the moment of confusion and agony that lasted for a few hours somehow we judiciously decided to give it a last try.We headed straight towards the Head Master's (Fr. Fredrick) residence, quite indefferent to the heavy rain with thunders rumbling every now and then. His first reaction was negative.He asked us to leave and not to waste his as well as our own precious time.But after our repeated requests, he relented and agreed to see my marksheet. After going through my marksheet, he thought for a while .......went inside without a word being said and came back after sometime with a paper in his hand.It was the same admission form, that we were craving for and the one that actually changed my life.He allowed me to fill the form as a special candidate.It was a great relief for me.Though it was still raining like anything outside, there was a sunshine within, which was almost tangible through my eyes.I am still indebted to him for his kindness beyond words, which I believe, is difficult to come across easily in the world we live in.And discernment of that level is hard to expect from any normal human being.For me he remains to be as great as any of my Gods.I will never forget Uday "Bada" too for his selfless guidance.
As the admission procedure was partly based on merits, I had no problem getting admission into St. Robert’s High School as I had topped my previous school in Madhyamik pariksha.
I feel like yesterday,
going to school (lazily) with huge science books and an equally heavy lunch box; A trip to Mongpong with Bishal sir(English Teacher);practising for a drama and songs despite everincreasing exams pressure. Calcutta trip with Anil sir, Binod sir and Sarad sir; Late night studies;math tutions in freezing winter....everything is gone in the wink of an eye.
Another wink and college life was also over and then the latest but not the least one to go towards oblivion....universty life.I wonder how many winks are left now?
The last year of the college was a turning point of my life as I happened to meet Vaskar Dewan, now vocalist Mantra Band.We started composing songs unaware of what the future would hold for them. We dreamt of releasing them, but were not sure of tomorrow.However, our song TIMI BINA got selected for a compilation album "Gorkha Rocks" in 2003. Although Mantra band was born in 1999, with this song it actually shot into prominence.The song became so popular that wherever they performed live, the crowd would not allow the show to end without it and that was the harbinger of a dawn of Mantra Era.However, the best was yet to come.Mantra Launched their first album "Mantra" in 2004.The songs like Ekantama, timibina, sapana, Bir gorkhali and Pari, where I had played with whatever little words I knew to express my feeling that was supressed for years, could touch one's heart.In 2005, we again launched another album, "Rock Yaatra". The songs like Sanskriti, Nilo aakash, Jiwan Hamro, Sadhain Sadhain are still close to my heart.Then towards the end of 2006, another album, "Mantra 3" was launched.If ever confronted with a question like what are the three best songs that I have ever written...I will utter...Ekantama, Nilo aakash and Sanskriti in a single breath.
Over last two decades I have known myself as a person with countless dreams. But most of dreams include my parents. I want to show them the beautiful world in which they brought me. I have a thousand weaknesses and I know each of them very well. I try to scrutinize those flaws in me which I can change and remember all my Gods if I cant. Some people find me selfish, others helpful. Is it that the beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder?
Well I become selfish when I find myself unnoticed, uncared and unwanted. My selfishness comes just with a feeble attempt to gain some attention from beloved ones.I too want to be loved (who doesn't?) and its no sin trying to woo it by being a little bit selfish. Like any other human being I tend to become generous for those in need and get a little jealous with those in demand.I know its not good, but I feel its not bad either as long as you are absolutely harmless because that is what keeps one burning, moving and finally helping him/her to climb a step higher in life. I am not outspoken when it comes expressing feelings and opinions.No wonder, I express it on a piece of paper. I write a lot. And each word I write is a manifestation of a thousand questions rising tumultuously like mad tides within me. I want to become a good writer. A writer with a conviction, whose words uproaring in support of truth and and rebelling against falsehood. I have so much to learn, so much to see and so much to achieve. But life is short.
